I wanted to find a space where I could share my personal journey, and connect with others on theirs. I’ve always felt compelled to share my latest epiphany and view of the world. There is no greater joy that I’ve experienced than to see someone benefit in their life from a new perspective or approach that I had the opportunity to introduce to them. If they could only see things as I did they would be better and happier.
For many years (almost all the ones I’ve had) I didn’t realize that I was the “know it all”. I had built an identity on a narrow definition of intelligence and effort. It’s foundation had been established in a fixed mindset built in my early years. I thought I was here to save them when I couldn’t take care of myself.
Building habits around a fixed mindset can immobilize. A good example is that I didn’t read a book from start to finish from the age of 12 to 42. Somehow I found a way to combine this fixed mindset with a purely materialistic view of success. This powerful duo helped me create a devastating cycle of applied effort, success, and lack of fulfillment. Not recognizing my fixed point-of-view on personal growth kept me locked in a cage of fear. I took few risks and grew very little.
These past few years have been transformational for me. It’s ok to be wrong, I don’t know that much, righteous indignation isn’t a strength, I am not my thoughts, etc etc. This list could probably go on for a while. Maybe I will make a complete list sometime, maybe I won’t. The one thing that hasn’t changed is that I want to help reduce the suffering in the world. I now realize I can only do that well by coming to terms with the suffering in myself.
Loving myself is a large part of this journey. Learning how to accept myself the way I am is both more difficult than I could imagine and the most empowering. This year I am giving myself the gift of time and space. While I don’t know what will come from this time away I am excited for the learning that will come from it.
Until next time.